Chapter 9
A dream. It had all been a dream.
I couldn't believe it. I- I- I-
There were no trinkets this time. No necklace from Piccolo. No bottle from Vegeta. Nothing that could prove that I had actually experienced what I had experienced.
Imagine living for ten years. Then imagine waking up to find those ten years never existed. That's how I felt now. That's why I was shaking so badly and had to crumple to the floor. That's why my vision blurred and my body quivered with dry sobs.
That's why I couldn't remember my full anime name.
Even now, my memories of that place were fading. Like a dream faded. My name had been . . . 'A'- something or other. With 'Vegeta' at the end because I had married him . . . hadn't I? And I had two kids: Ba- Ba- Bapa and Tri . . . Tri . . . Tril . . . damn.
I couldn't remember.
I couldn't remember.
All a dream and I couldn't remember.
"Remember why you stayed. Remember what you changed and brought forth. Only you can heal the wounds that will come and make another decision. What you do could change it all. Remember . . . what . . . you . . . forgot."
Only I could . . .
I stood and straightened my back. My name is Ally sei Vegeta. I remember! True memories don't fade! My hands balled into fists. "No . . ." I whispered aloud. "No, Kami, no! I- I won't believe this is real!" I shut my eyes and lowered my head. "This isn't real. This isn't real!" I told myself over and over. "This isn't real! Stop it! Stop it, Shenlong!"
A roaring filled my ears, a harsh, thundering roaring that seemed to both tear my soul apart and fill my entire being all at the same time. I felt like I was once again submerged in the ocean, foaming around me violently and roaring. A sudden weight pressed into me at all sides like the pressure in the room had suddenly zoomed to an uncontrolled height.
And then I was floating.
Darkness was everywhere. Cold, cold emptiness. I couldn't see my body; I didn't even know if I had a body except for long tresses of dark brown hair lightly ghosting over my calves. I was naked, I could tell, and I crossed arms I couldn't see over my bare chest to try and provide some sort of comfort.
Where- where was I?
What- what was I . . ?
A warmness, both delicate and frightening, touched my face and I let my eyes flutter open to bathe in an emerald light that accompanied the warmth.
"Who- who's there?" My quivering voice bounced around the darkness ethereally. I wound my arms tighter together, feeling too vulnerable and too small in the vast, empty area. At first I had thought I was in the Gateway . . . but this darkness was unlike anything that had been in that bridge between worlds. And this disturbing emerald light . . .
"Please . . ." I tested my voice out again, detesting the way it echoed. "Is someone there? S-Shenlong?"
"Clever child," came the amused reply from the darkness. "You guessed correct."
"It is you!" I breathed, spinning around to try and see the endlessly-long body of the Eternal Dragon. "Shenlong, what is going on? I- I dreamed that I . . . had a dream," I finished pathetically.
"Alicia, you were not dreaming."
"Not dreaming?" I restated, ignoring that he'd called me by my riaru name. "What do you mean? Stop playing games with me, Shenlong. What is going on?"
I heard his gigantic sigh vibrate through the space. "Your life in anime . . . has all been a dream. You never ventured to Namek; you never met the others. You never did any of those things."
"You're lying," was what popped out of my mouth, forced because my throat had suddenly closed up. "Take me back to anime and you'll see that you're wrong!"
There was a pause. If I could have seen Shenlong, he probably would have done the dragon equivalent of a shrug. "As you wish."
I was wrenched away from the emerald light, sucked in the opposite direction. I tumbled through midnight and a cry strangled its way out of my mouth. Then suddenly I was kneeling in the woods outside Capsule Corporation. My hand was a mass of shadow and blurred color when I lifted it up as if I had no form, as if I were neither anime nor riaru. Slowly rising, I caught sight of the curved dome of Capsule Corp. Someone was walking toward the front door. Someone dressed in bright blue with a flame of black hair.
Vegeta.
"Vegeta!" I shouted, moving toward him. He seemed to sense something, stopped, and half-turned toward the woods. "Vegeta! It's me! Ally!" I stretched out my hand, running, and suddenly an invisible . . . wind . . . curved around me and stopped me from reaching Vegeta. I struggled uselessly against that relentless stronghold. "Wait, Vegeta!" But the Saiyajin had turned back around and stepped into Capsule Corporation.
"Let go of me!" I demanded and the wind did let go. I sprinted to the building and tried to grasp the handle. My shadow hand went right through it. "What the-" Taking a deep breath, I stepped through the front door.
Vegeta was just entering the kitchen where Bulma and . . .
I recoiled. It- It just wasn't true. It couldn't be true!
"Do you see now?" came Shenlong's voice gently. "You do not exist to them."
"It's not true," I whispered, but the scene was real before me. Vegeta scooped up a miniature version of Bulma into his arms and sat down at the table beside a young, lavender-haired boy.
I slumped wearily against the invisible presence behind me. "Take me away from here."
"Alicia . . ."
"I said take me away!"
"As you wish," the dragon uttered again and blackness consumed my vision.
When I awoke, green scales were beneath my fingertips. I slowly sat up and looked into the giant face of Shenlong. Then I hung my head, feeling saltiness sting my eyes.
"It was all a dream . . ." I muttered.
The heated skin beneath me shifted as the Eternal Dragon took a breath. "Yes . . . and no . . ." I jerked my head up to meet his piercing gaze. My mouth opened, closed, opened, then snapped close as I waited for him to explain. "It does not have to remain a dream," he finally added. The length of his body rippled and I was lifted higher until I reached the same emerald glow I had seen before. "You have to make a decision, young one."
"Screw decisions," I spat bitterly, turning my head so I didn't have to stare into that terrible, jade brightness. "Is this the same game you pulled before, Shenlong? Well, I'm tired of playing with you and I refuse to go through this again."
"And you would give up anime?" he asked softly.
"I'll never give up! You hear me??! NEVER!"
I shook my head fiercely. "Never."
"Then all you must do is step into the green light."
"And- and it'll take me back . . . home?" I got to my knees and peered over into the swirling light. "With Vegeta and all the others?"
"Yes. Just as before."
"I don't understand," I said, puzzled. "How can that be true if it was all a dream?"
"Your dream can become a reality, young one. Step into the green light and the anime world will be shaped to suit your wants. You can have it any way you wish, Ally, anything."
"My wants . . ." I echoed.
"It's mine! It's mine!"
I can have my dream! Yes! My dream!
"Yes . . ." I mumbled. I straightened, wavering on the Eternal Dragon's scaly hide. A warmth suddenly traveled up my legs and arms, and poured into my mouth. When it vanished as quickly as it had came, I was once again in my anime form, long hair catching in a violent wind that protruded from the emerald portal. Unsure, I glanced back at Shenlong. "Just walk into it?" I rechecked and the god nodded.
I can do this, I told myself. This is what I want. This is what I deserve! After everything I've been through. After everything I've suffered!
I stepped up to the portal, so close I could feel its warming chill.
"Do you think I'm destined for something great, Mom?"
"Of course, honey. You're a smart girl."
"That's not what I meant. I want to make a difference, but how can I? I'm just one out of millions of stars."
One out of millions.
I was just one person. Just one person who wanted to live this dream.
I- I had no right.
And so I made my decision . . .
I sucked in a great breath and stepped away from the emerald portal. I faintly heard Shenlong's questioning response but I ignored it. Heels barely touching the edge of his vast body, I spread my arms-
/gokou/chichi/gohan/krillin/piccolo/my children/VEGETA!/
-and let myself fall backward.
I fell off Shenlong as if in slow motion and the darkness everywhere claimed me once again.
***